Billy and Kenny now have their own web sites too! In order to get there, click on their link in my friends section and make your request. Because they are short, and there are too many creepies out there  this way we can know who has access to their sites. They each have their own place, and will be adding their own photos and blogs... Could be pretty cool! Hope you come and check them out- but make sure to leave a little note in their comment sections (of their blog area)- that way they know you were there!

 

Thanks!

 

 

I can hardly wait- a little getaway. Man, can I use a break from the daily grind or what! It's nothing big or fancy- short jaunt to Spokane. A little over-nighter in the name of parental sanity! It seems like it has been forever since we've had a chance to "get a way" for more than a rushed dinner out together, so this will be great. Honestly, I think I would be ecstatic to just sit next to him- just us. Uninterrupted, just doing nothing together. It's wonderful to find someone with whom you can sit, silently in a room together, and be happy just because they are near. Like I said- it will be nice to get the chance.

I think we are going to try and get out and "get a life" for a minute or two- Spokane http://spokanechiefs.com and TriCities have a hockey game the night we are heading up there. It would be nice for Steven to get to go watch a game again, I know he misses it. When he was in the Navy- he and his buddy would go watch games when ever they could. Casey lives in NY and is a pretty big fan of the Sabers- and I think Steven is a little envious. Steven likes the Stars, http://dallasstars.com so they have a nice little rivalry- he just can't see it. I'm sure it would be nice to give him a chance to see a little bit of what he is missing.

That, and Chili's http://www.chilis.com Man do I wish they had a one close- that's another thing that stinks about having lived other places across the country. All the really cool places you find, ARE NOT HERE!!! Yakima is so boring. That and everyone knows everyone. I'm sure I would be known as "the lady with all those kids" soon enough anywhere but it would be nice to be somewhere that people didn't know all about you, before even meeting you! To volunteer for PTA rather than be volunteered because they know what you can and have done...would be a nice!

I guess everyone thinks about "getting away" in one shape or another. Wither it be for a night, a vacation, or for a new life. I know I do. It would be cool to go to Oklahoma or Texas where Steven grew up, or to go live in the mountains, or somewhere on the east coast when the leaves are changing colors (and they actually televise hockey games!) Some place different and new- a change.

Wow- the blues rut rears it's ugly head again!

Oh well, everyone deserves a break now and again, and I can't wait for mine!

Joshy Joshy Joshy. He is a unique individual. Louder, and into more stuff than the first 5 combined, he is the wild one. First, there is his apparent footwear fetish- he is always running around in a pair of his sisters shoes. It doesn't matter which sisters', which pair, or even if the shoes match. He has a favorite pair of boots too- which he will clod around the house in... Just his boots. Did I mention he's the resident nudist as well?

He has also discovered the joys of door locks. Not only has he mastered the locking (and unlocking) of the front door- he has figured out the interior door locks as well. He is particularly fond of sneaking into my room and locking the door behind him, then laughing because mom can't get in. Nice! He, in addition to his skills as an escape artist and master of locks is an aspiring chemist. He has discovered the fun and excitement of dumping anything and everything he can get his hands on... into the toilet or tub. He realized that dumping stuff on the floor was fun, but hard to get around "ooky" when you are trying to make a quick escape.

The little Jabber-wocky is continuing his study of the English language, and has taken to mimicking everything. Sounds and especially phrases he hears are all fair game. Trying to get the right pronunciation and meaning isn't an easy task... he says "damit" and "meanie" for no reason at all- usually while playing alone, but has "mine!!" figured out completely. And seems to understand it means more when you say it really loudly!

Being only 2, he still has a little trouble with some sounds, the "s" sound currently escapes him. His come out as "k's" which drives his poor father up the wall. Poor kid-having already explained his fascination with shoes, dad cringes when Josh starts hollering about wanting "socks."

His big brother had a similar problem. His "t's" came out sounding like "f's", and he loved playing with his dump trucks.

Ahhh and who said parenting was without it's rewards?!

Pictures are great for stirring up memories- aren't they? Digging through boxes of photos and mementos looking for my favorite ones, reading through old birthday cards and year books. Some make me misty, some make me smile-but there is no way I can be this old already!

Sometimes high school seems so far away, like another life time. Do you remember all the plans and dreams from back then? They seemed so real, and attainable back them- kinda foolish looking back on them now though. (College in Oregon, Dancing in Alberta...) All the people we hung out with "back in the day" are gone, our "best friends" spread out all over the country. Crazy how things that seemed so important back then are only vague memories now. I don't think I talk to more than 1 or 2 people I went to school with anymore. Life gets in the way, new things take priority, but it still seems sad to have lost touch with things and people that were so important to us at one time.

I got a little misty reading through my year books- the autographs and comments quickly scribbled in the hallways do leave a lasting impression. I haven't thought about some of the signers in over 10 years, but reading them brought it all back. The dorky little jokes. The stupid arguments. The pep rallies. The dances. The rumors. The nicknames. The secret "wishes." The crushes. The heartbreaks. The drama. Ahhh to be young and free to be goofy again!

Then again, looking at the pictures in these books- that can be traumatic! What in the world were we all thinking? Guys get off a lot easier than we ladies do, I mean a hair cut is a hair cut on a guy. No make up worries, or big bang hair styles. Unless you fell for the permed mullet (and I know some of you all DID!) things were pretty much ok. Well, I guess if my kids needed some more to laugh at their mom about... those photos should provide them plenty of ammo!

In my "dig through history" I even came across a box of photos from the different places I have lived in. I found pictures of my yard bunny in Georgia, that little critter kept me company for a while living in Augusta. I even wrote a story about him in college- my prof wanted me to try and get it published... I just never had the guts to try it. Georgia was a beautiful place to live, and I think about it a lot. Savannah is indescribable... I would love the chance to go back there and show the kids someday.

I also found snap shots of apartments in Colorado Springs, and El Paso Texas... and they all looked alike! Except for the peach walls of Texas, they all had a very similar layout- it was hard to tell them apart. I bounced around a lot back then, coming home to have the babies- going back after they were born. I am glad to have these pictures to remind me... and most of them (surprisingly) have some pretty adorable little kids in them. It's such a trip to see how much they have changed, and how much they all look like each other! Comparing photos of the kids when they were the same age, like Tommy at 2 with Joshy at 2... it's amazing. Personality wise they are all so different, each with their own "thing", but you can tell by looking that they are all related.

I was pretty lucky in the fact that I got to see so much around the country before heading "back home" for good. Driving from Georgia to Texas, I got to see part of the country I never expected to. Got to take a train from Texas to Washington along the California cost- Billy was maybe a year old(?) That was a blast! I got to visit with an old guy who told me all about playing an Indian in old movies "back in the day." The told me about the history of the tiny little towns in Arizona that we passed by... the bank robberies, and local lore. Another passenger, a professor from New Mexico, got me talking about history- and encouraged me to go back to school. He got me thinking, and I eventually did go back- I got my AA in 2003 and continue to plod along...

In Colorado, mom and pop came and got to check out the cliff dwellings and ghost towns, Pikes Peak and Red Rock. I got to see Little Big Horn too, (not in Colorado!) and am lucky enough to have pictures from them all. Going and experiencing these places is amazing, but having the pictures to "relive" is not such a bad alternative.

I have pictures, and memories, from Camping trips, and the Oregon coast... from baseball games in Seattle, and trips to the zoo, Dance competitions after game parties, Leavenworth and Boulder cave, newborn babies and jr high band concerts. They run the range of times and subjects- but I treasure every single one.

Good, Bad, Happy, Sad- they are worth well more than a thousand words- and I feel lucky to have had them.

Cold and flu season is on us-and all over us. The traditional "mass sick-in 2006" is in full force. Many of you may not realize the joy and frustration of a large family, and though there are many wonderful and amazing aspects to life with a herd of kids- there are a couple of draw backs as well. This is one of the biggies.

 

Around here, you don't ever seem to see anyone doing anything independently. There is always some sort of group dynamic at work- 2 helping pick up laundry, 3 playing a game, 3 teasing 2, group sneak attacks with pillows on the unsuspecting Daddy-O. Always something...sometimes like a team, other times more like a conspiracy!

 

This is feeling more conspiracy like all the time. It started out simple, a little cold sore on a twinnie. After the usual barage or "which boys were you kissing on Caden???" she spent the next day home sick in bed with a fever and the yucks. Yesterday started out better, and just when I started to think that maybe that we got off easy- Tommy got sick. Soon it became apparent that we were in for a long- really, really, really long night when ALL of the kids had sacked out on the floor by 7pm. Oh great.

 

So Dads got a headache, moms working on a migraine... Clara is on her usual 2 month old "sleeping is optional at night" routine. Caden is wide awake and wanting to play, and the rest of the kids take turns running to the bathroom. See, at least they are great at team work- taking turns is good for everyone, except for mom who stands by through ALL the turns. Sleep?? What is that?!

 

All in all, we averaged about a 2 hour snooze somewhere in the middle of all the festivities. Slept through the alarm- but looking back, it is probably not a bad thing to have gotten a few extra minutes of rest in there. SO... here we sit. Movies playing and sleeping bags spread everywhere. I have come to realize that keeping a group together is a lot easier than running from room to room- when the kids are all wanting mom close, at the same time. Oh to be needed! 

 

In spite of the long night spent, and the next couple ahead of me, I think I prefer this "mass sick in" to the previous bouts of yuck over the years. For a while, the kids would take turns being unwell- great for one on one attention, but if you have 5 or 6 kids sick for a day or 2 in a row... it really adds up! The best part of that senerio is when you get to the end of the line, when everyone has had their turn (dad included) the virus has changed just enough to start them through a new cycle. Joy and rapture!! That is just about enough to drive a statue to tears.

 

But it does bring up a point, have you all ever noticed that mom's never get sick like that? With all the yuck going around (and around and around in our case) mom seems to be the one with the bowls of soup, glasses of sprite, and cool wash cloths? Dinner cooking, laundry going, and tempratures taken. How in the world is that possible? I have lived through these sessions in life- but don't ask me how. It's all a blur- a faint fuzzy memory... a lot like labor! You are just happy to have survived!!

 

Anyway, by the time everyone is healthy and mom can wind down... something else pops up- like I said, never (ever!) a dull moment!

 

baby blues- are terrible. Here I sit with a beautiful family, and new born baby girl and I still feel completely alone! I know I shouldn't feel this empty, but I do. People don't like to talk about it, and it is completely humiliating to admit that I feel this crappy. I don't for an instant consider myself anything special- just a mom and a wife doing what I need to do. But I should be able to handle my life right?! That isn't anything outside of the realm of reality- nothing out of the ordinary or special about that concept.

 

What I find even more upsetting is that when I finally had the nerve to say something, everyone immediately jumps to the conclusion that I am a risk "Have you had thoughts of hurting yourself or others?" With in a 12 hour time frame I was asked this- hello!! No sleep plays a big role in feeling cruddy.

 

Add this to all the drama with my gestational diabetes- and the testing and the diet and the monitoring and the pills that go along with it- no wonder my appetite is a little off as well. Perfectly understandable- and more than explainable. I am just so tired of it! I just want to be back to normal- no big drama, no tv interviews or book deal "how I coped with depression" crud that they have splashed all over the media these days. I am just wiped out-

 

When I went to the doctor, they had me fill out a 'survey' to find out my "depression level." The questions on it were ones that 80% of people would affirm daily. Are you not sleeping/ sleeping too much? Are you not eatting/ eatting too much? Are you with out energy? Are you more emotional than normal (crying)? Are you anxious?Do you find yourself unable to complete simple tasks? YES, once again- just had a baby, AND have 6 more and a hubby to take care of!

 

What I want to know is when does this start to feel better?! Is there a time frame I should focus on? I know I have a lot going on, but really this should be snap with what I do "normally." With the kids in school, there was PTA, class trips and volunteering. I was taking classes at YVCC, and working part time too. Sitting at home with no school, no job- cuddling a beautiful little girl should be a breeze.  I can't hardly work up enough energy to get out of my PJ's and figure out whats for dinner!

 

So instead of help and GOOD advice from "medical professionals"... you know- that would actually do something, (who really should have more experience with this than I do)... I was sent to a counselor and given an anti-depressant. The pills make me more anxious, I am still not eatting OR sleeping. O for 1. The lovely counselor they made me talk to was just about as helpful. With questions like- How often do you get to go out alone? HAHAHA...ahhh sorry- that question alone should have snapped me out of my funk because it is so darn funny!! I was advised to take time for me (haha) and given a list of things I should do to take care of myself. Take a nice long relaxing bath every day- (5 minute power shower), take a quiet walk alone- (yea), set simple tasks on a list and make sure to complete them-(her example was cleaning the kitchen counters- in 6 easy steps!!) Her favorite piece of advice, was that I really should go out and get myself a manicure. WHAT?!   

 

So none of the so called "medical advice" was, in my humble opinion, worth a poo.

 

After the twins, I had a hard time. Similar feelings, but I was just sad- for 6 months. I didn't say anything back then, and people just thought I was run ragged by 2 toddlers and newby babies. Being in Colorado probably played a role in it back then too- I didn't have family close by to step in and give me a hand when I could have used a break. Don't get me wrong, Dad's are supposed to be there to help and support you- but they work too. The thinking behind "it takes a village to raise a child" really comes into play- especially right after the baby comes. I know it makes things run a lot smoother with a few extra hands.

 

I know I had a really hard and emotional time with the twins and after Thomas was born too. I don't remember it being so hard after Josh, but then I kind of knew what to expect, and how to try and make myself feel a little better. I guess I thought I was "immune" after Joshy, and let my guard down when it came to Clara. But then again, she was a different pregnancy from the start. 2 weeks of labor pains before being induced... who has a  336 hour labor and bounces back?!Who knows why the blues are here- but they are, and I really don't want them to stick around for 6 months like they did before.

 

I have never ever liked the feeling of being out of control of things- (at least let me think I have some say!!) So this is really a hard thing for me to try and deal with. It's not like you can just decide to feel great again and Poof! you are. I wish it were that easy-

 

I am not writting this to make you all feel bad for me, or try to elicit free babysitting or anything, I just feel better to get "it" out there- I don't want anyone worried either. I am doing better- a little better every day. I just wanted to vent a little. 

 

I spoke to a friend who just had her 2nd child, she called me one day and we talked about everything. She is the first person I have ever know who shared the same feelings that I was feeling. Knowing I wasn't the only one who felt horrible for feeling bad- that was a huge relief to find someone to talk to. I know there are a bunch of cousins and friends out there who have just had/ are getting ready to have a new baby. Maybe if they are feeling blue, and read this- maybe they won't feel so alone like I did. Sometimes, even with people around and lots and lots of help and support- we can still feel alone, like no one else knows how we feel. That nobody would understand that we aren't happy when we think we should be, that we feel different than we expected to. It sucks. I know it sucks. I also know that it gets better, a lot lot better. I just am tired of waiting for it to~

 

 

 

 

 

 

Digging through huge boxes of photos, you know the ones... all the trips to the photo mat end there! I find it very upsetting to realize how fast time goes. It is getting harder and harder to tell which baby pictures are of who. Looking at the twins pictures- telling them apart has never been easy. but add the time factor in too- trouble!!!

 

I posted some of my favorites here, and I will keep adding more as I dig through them. Hope you guys like them and the memories they bring as much as I do-

Papa Clark is currently in the hospital getting ready for a triple by-pass- just wanted to wish him well, and ask that he be in your thoughts-  Thanks

 

She asked if Steven was helping as much as he should be, and even offered to come talk to him if "he needed a talkin' to!" She asked if I had thought about having another sometime, since 8 is a nice round number... She has 3, and figured 4 was better- so she's having another in March. She told me I had beautiful babies, and had made an impression on her. She said that the way I handled being a mom of many made her think about adding on to her own family.